"It Could've Been Us" - Manchester Attack

This week, I have found it difficult to get on with any task, no matter how big or small, purely because I constantly felt this twinge of sadness. This background of guilt that caused me to almost cry at the smallest things. I felt so frail; after I heard about what happened in Manchester. At first, I was shocked. Just pure shock reverberated inside of me. Then soon after, devastating sadness. I didn't know any of the victims or injured personally, and nor will I claim in any way to take ownership of this tragedy, but I have always had an over empathetic way of thinking. A sensitive mind.

Writing has always helped me. Creating something or just purging out my thoughts into words. So, here goes.

A lot of my social media friends, peers who I've seen on my timeline on various different platforms for the last three years, attended that show. It was close. Too close.

Last year, I had been at that very same arena with my mother and sister; the two people I love most in this world. I remembered the layout, the arena, the anticipation in the air and the solidarity of the crowd as we all experienced that same joyful event unfold in front of us. There is no feeling that compares to seeing live music. That feeling of purchasing a ticket, having it in your hands, travelling to the show, getting dressed up and buying merch and recording footage and seeing those songs take shape and life in front of you. It's just beautiful. Pure.

These victims were robbed of life, purely for being fans, and I just can't shake it. People with social media accounts, and bedrooms, and identities, and social quirks, and nicknames and friends, and family and ambitions and dreams and hopes and life. Just filled with life. It is heart-breaking and just so devastating to think that people of my demographic, lost their life because of something that was so irrelevant to them and was based off of a choice their government made. I still can't believe it.

As a fan of concerts and gigs, I'm disappointed that there aren't better security measures or procedures in place when exiting a show, as there are over thousands of people piled up into one venue. Leaving a show, is one of the most euphoric and dizzying and vulnerable moments in life, as it usually takes hours to come down from that post concert high, and those poor people were callously attacked at their most open and vulnerable moment in life; witnessing their dreams.

I'm not sure what is wrong or right to say, but it wasn't something that I could wake up and ignore. Not after seeing people just like me, on the news. Not after being in that arena myself last year with my loved ones. One harrowing sentiment repeats in the back of my mind; it could've been us - and that is the scariest thing of all.

Take care of each other. Love every second of every moment. Find bravery in yourself.

Above all, pray for Manchester.

xoxo.